Bad Halloween decoration ideas

Halloween decorations should be a little bit scary. These are not. Here are 15 bad Halloween decoration ideas, all harmless, every one reviewed by the Department of Doubt and stamped I DON'T THINK SO. Tap any idea to stamp it yourself.

Not scary at all

1. A single ghost made of one tissue. It blew away before anyone arrived.
2. A pumpkin carved with a polite smile. Welcoming. Not spooky. The trick-or-treaters felt reassured.
3. A sign that says "boo" in very small letters. Nobody was startled. Nobody could read it.
4. A haunted house that is just the house, with the lights off. The visitors found the sofa. They were not scared of the sofa.
5. A skeleton sitting in a deckchair with a nice cup of tea. Relaxed. Too relaxed for Halloween.

Too much effort

1. Carve forty pumpkins the night before. You will carve four, and one of them will be a circle.
2. Cobwebs on every surface in the house. You will be finding cobweb in the cutlery drawer until spring.
3. A fog machine for a very small flat. You will lose the cat for an hour.
4. A spooky soundtrack, on a loop, starting in September. The neighbours have learned all the words.
5. Hang every bedsheet in the house as a ghost. Very spooky. You now have nothing to sleep under.

Bold, confident and wrong

1. Put the decorations up on November the first. Early for next year, technically.
2. A giant inflatable spider across the front door. Nobody can get in, including you.
3. Use the Christmas lights, but sadly. Everyone can tell. The reindeer give it away.
4. A scarecrow that looks exactly like you. The postman waved at it for a week.
5. Paint the pumpkins beige, for a subtle look. They look like potatoes. Nobody knocked.

What makes a good Halloween decoration

1. Seen from the path. A few big things beat a hundred small ones.
2. Safe to walk past. Keep the path clear and use battery lights, not candles, near anything that flaps.
3. Good in the dark. Check it at night. That is when everyone will see it.

More officially reviewed bad ideas

For what to wear, see bad Halloween costume ideas. For the party, there are worst party themes, and for next season, bad Christmas ideas. All guides are on the guides page, and today's ruling is on the home page.

Questions about bad Halloween decorations

What is a bad Halloween decoration idea?

One that is not scary, not festive and somehow still takes all weekend, like "a single ghost made of one tissue". The funny ones are harmless; the truly bad ones block the path or put a candle where a coat will go.

Are these meant to be made?

No. They are jokes, reviewed and rejected by the Department of Doubt. If you build one anyway, the Department will not stop you, but it will stand in your garden looking doubtful.

What makes a good Halloween decoration?

Something people can see from the path, that is safe to walk past, and that looks right in the dark. A few pumpkins and some warm lights beat a hundred small things nobody notices.

Is it too late to decorate for Halloween?

Never, as long as it is still October. Ten minutes and one pumpkin on the step still says Halloween. The Department has approved this one.

Part of Bad ideas, officially reviewed.

The Department of Doubt is satire. Every idea on this page is invented and meant as a joke, not a project. See the satire notice.