Funny no soliciting signs

A no soliciting sign is a "no" you only have to say once. A funny one says it without sounding cross. Here are 15 funny no soliciting sign ideas for your front door, every one reviewed by the Department of Doubt. Tap any sign to stamp it and download it as a card.

Honest about the household

1. We are not interested. We are also not dressed. Clear message, mild panic. Effective.
2. No soliciting. We barely answer the door for people we know. Relatable. Slightly sad. Approved.
3. Please do not knock. The dog will tell everyone. True of every dog. The dog was not consulted.
4. Introverts live here. We saw you coming and we are hiding. Honest, but the curtain is moving.
5. Shhh. A baby, a cat and an adult are all finally asleep. The Department would also like a nap.

Mock official

1. Notice: this door has been reviewed and does not want anything. Paperwork is persuasive. Approved in spirit.
2. No soliciting. This rule has been stamped by the Department of Doubt. Flattering. Still not a real department.
3. Already saved, already subscribed, already have one. Covers most visits in one sentence.
4. We have reviewed your offer and the answer is no. Have a nice day. Polite, final, and saves everyone a walk.
5. Knocking hours: never. Exceptions: pizza. Specific. The pizza clause is doing a lot of work.

Too much information

1. If you are selling something, we have no money. If you are giving something away, ring twice. Bold negotiating position.
2. We already have a vacuum cleaner. It is in a cupboard and we feel bad about it. Oversharing, but it does stop the demo.
3. Our windows are fine. Our gutters are fine. We are not fine, but that is not your problem. Funny. Possibly a cry for help. Rejected for honesty.
4. No soliciting. We cannot even decide what to have for dinner. A household with no buying power.
5. Please do not ring. The doorbell plays a song and we hate it. Fix the doorbell. Not stamped.

The plain polite version

If you want a sign that simply works, keep it short and kind:

• "No soliciting, please. Thank you."
• "No sales or leaflets, thank you."
• "Please do not knock. Deliveries can be left here."

The best combination is a plain line on top and a joke underneath. The plain line does the work, and the joke tells people you are not angry about it.

Signs to skip

Anything that threatens the person at the door, insults them or mentions weapons. It is not funny to the person reading it, and they are usually just doing their job. The Department's rule: joke about your house, your dog or yourself, never about the visitor.

More ways to say no

For the conversation when someone knocks anyway, see how to say not interested politely and polite ways to say no. For your own house, there are funny house rules and the art of saying no to a neighbour. Make your own sign in Stamp Anything, or see today's ruling. All guides are on the guides page.

Questions about no soliciting signs

What is a funny no soliciting sign?

A short door sign that says "please don't knock to sell me things" with a joke, like "We are not interested. We are also not dressed." It makes the point without sounding cross.

What should a no soliciting sign say?

Keep the main message clear: "No soliciting, thank you." A joke underneath is fine. Many people put the plain line first and the funny line second, so nobody misses the point.

Is a funny no soliciting sign rude?

Not if the joke is about you, your house or your dog, rather than the person at the door. Avoid anything threatening. The person knocking is usually just doing a job.

Where should I put a no soliciting sign?

At eye level on or right next to the front door, or by the doorbell, where a caller looks before knocking. A sign at the gate helps too.

Part of How to say no.

The Department of Doubt is satire. Every sign on this page is invented and meant as a joke. See the satire notice.