Funny reasons not to do something

There is a thing you should do. There is also a reason you cannot do it yet, and it sounds very convincing to you. Here are 15 funny reasons not to do something, every one reviewed by the Department of Doubt and stamped I DON'T THINK SO. Tap any reason to stamp it yourself.

Around the house

1. The dishes need to soak overnight. And tomorrow. Possibly Thursday. The dishes have soaked enough. They are now a pond.
2. The laundry is not ready to be folded yet. Laundry is always ready. You are not.
3. I cannot hoover because it will wake the dust. The dust is not asleep. It is multiplying.
4. If I tidy now, I will only make it messy again later. This logic also stops you from ever eating.
5. The bin is not full. It is just very confident. The bin is overflowing. Confidence is not a lid.

Plans and chores

1. I would start, but it is nearly a round number on the clock. It is always nearly a round number.
2. I am waiting for the right mood, and it is running late. The mood arrives once you start. Everyone knows this.
3. I cannot reply to that message until I can reply perfectly. A perfect reply in a month is worse than a fine one today.
4. I will do it on Monday, because Monday is a fresh start. Monday has been a fresh start for six Mondays now.
5. I need to make a list of things to do first. The list is now the thing you are not doing.

Bold, confident and wrong

1. If it was really important, it would have done itself by now. Nothing has ever done itself. The Department checked.
2. I am not avoiding it. I am giving it space. It does not need space. It needs doing.
3. Future me is better at this kind of thing. Future you has read this list and disagrees.
4. I am saving my energy for something bigger. The bigger thing is a nap.
5. It is not the right season for it. It is the right season for putting the bins out.

What actually works

If you really do not want to do it, a plain no beats a funny excuse. If you do want to do it eventually, these beat both:

1. Do two minutes of it. Starting is the hard part. Two minutes usually turns into ten.
2. Pick a time, not a day. "Saturday at ten" happens. "At the weekend" does not.
3. If it is someone else's request, answer it. "Not this week, but I can on Monday" is kinder than silence.

Need to say no to someone else?

For saying no to other people, see polite ways to say no, how to say no without feeling guilty and funny ways to say you're busy. For more rejected excuses, try funny excuses for being late and excuses to get out of plans. All guides are on the guides page, and today's ruling is on the home page.

Questions about reasons not to do something

What is a funny reason not to do something?

One that is obviously an excuse but sounds almost official, like "the laundry is not ready to be folded yet". It gets a laugh because everyone has used one just like it.

Are these reasons meant to be used?

As jokes, yes, with people who will laugh. For anything that matters to someone else, such as a favour, a deadline or a promise, a short honest answer works better. There are guides to saying no politely on this site.

How do you say no to doing something without an excuse?

Say it plainly and kindly: "I'm not going to do that today, but I can do it on Saturday." A no with a next step needs no excuse at all.

Why does the Department of Doubt reject every reason?

Because a reason not to do something is just a claim that it can wait, and the Department doubts claims for a living.

Part of Bad ideas, officially reviewed.

The Department of Doubt is satire. Every reason on this page is invented and meant as a joke. See the satire notice.