Funny ways to say happy holidays

The Department of Doubt doubts almost everything, but not a cosy season. Here are 15 funny ways to say happy holidays, for cards, for the team chat, a few mock-official ones from the Department, and simple kind ones that always work.

For cards

• "Happy holidays! This card was written by hand, slowly, with love, and only one spelling mistake." Find the mistake. It is part of the gift.
• "Wishing you a cosy season, warm socks and a very long nap." The three best gifts.
• "Happy holidays. This card is late, but the wishes are right on time." Honest, and still kind.
• "Season's greetings! Please display this card proudly, or at least near the others." Modest ambitions.

For the team chat

• "Happy holidays, everyone. May your inbox rest as well as you do." Kind to the inbox too.
• "Happy holidays, team. The out of office messages are up. The season has officially begun." The surest sign.
• "Wishing you all a lovely break. Please leave your laptop somewhere it cannot find you." Rest, protected.
• "Happy holidays! See you next year, which sounds much further away than it is." A small, true joke.

Mock official

• "The Department of Doubt has reviewed your season and approved it in full." A rare clean ruling.
• "Notice: one festive season has been issued. Cosiness is mandatory." Official, and warm.
• "Your holiday has been stamped and approved. Naps are permitted at any hour." The best kind of rule.

Simple and kind

• "Happy holidays. Wishing you a warm and restful season." Always works.
• "Happy holidays to you and everyone you love." Warm, for anyone.
• "Wishing you peace, rest and good company this season." Gentle and sincere.
• "Happy holidays! Thank you for being part of my year." Kind, and personal.

Keep it warm

1. Keep it for everyone. A greeting that fits every celebration fits every chat.
2. One joke, one wish. The joke makes them smile; the wish is what they keep.
3. Short beats long. Everyone is busy this time of year, including the post.

More from the Department

For the end of the season, see the funny ways to say happy New Year. If you would rather skip the presents, there are funny ways to say no gifts please, and for the thank-you notes afterwards, the funny ways to say thank you. All guides are on the guides page, and today's ruling is on the home page.

Questions about funny ways to say happy holidays

What is a funny way to say happy holidays?

Something short that makes the season feel cosy and a little silly, like "Happy holidays. The Department of Doubt has reviewed your season and approved it in full." Keep it light, warm and suitable for everyone who might read it.

What is a funny way to say happy holidays to coworkers?

Keep it friendly and inclusive for the whole team: "Happy holidays, everyone. May your inbox rest as well as you do." It works in any chat and for any celebration.

What can I write in a funny holiday card?

One playful line and one warm line, like "Happy holidays! This card was written by hand, slowly, with love. Wishing you a cosy season." Short cards get read; long ones get put on a shelf.

What is a simple way to say happy holidays?

A plain "Happy holidays, wishing you a warm and restful season" always works. It is kind, inclusive and fits every card and chat.

The Department of Doubt is satire, but these holiday greetings are real suggestions you are free to use. See the satire notice.