Funny ways to say hello

Hello is the most used word in any day, so it might as well be a little funny now and then. Here are 15 funny ways to say hello, for friends, texts and calls, a few mock-official ones from the Department of Doubt, and simple ones that always work.

For friends

• "Greetings, fellow person who is also here." Formal, silly, friendly.
• "Hello, and welcome to this conversation." Like a host. A very small host.
• "Oh good, it is you. I was hoping it was you." Warm, and slightly dramatic.
• "Ahoy. I do not own a boat. I just like the word." Honest about the boat.
• "Hello, you. Yes, you. Hello." Hard to ignore.

For a text or a call

• "Incoming message. This is it." An announcement, then the message.
• "Hello. I am typing this with one thumb, so be impressed." A small boast to open with.
• "Knock knock. This is a text, so you cannot hear it." A joke that stops before it gets long.
• "Hi. This is a call, not a voicemail. Please enjoy it." For people who never pick up.

Mock official

• "The Department of Doubt acknowledges your arrival." The Department's own greeting.
• "Hello. Your presence has been noted and approved." Sounds like a form. Feels like a welcome.
• "Good day. Please take a number. You are number one." Everyone likes being number one.

Simple and kind

• "Hi, it is good to see you." Works for anyone, any time.
• "Hello! How has your week been?" A greeting and a question in one.
• "Morning! Or afternoon. Hello, either way." For when nobody is sure what time it is.

Keep it light

1. Short beats clever. A greeting is not the place for a long joke.
2. Know the room. Funny for friends, plain for a first meeting.
3. Leave space to answer. The best hello is the one that gets a hello back.

More from the Department

For the other end of the conversation, see the funny ways to say goodbye, and for the start of the day, the funny ways to say good morning. If hello is going to lead to a chat, avoid the worst ways to start a conversation. All guides are on the guides page, and today's ruling is on the home page.

See also: funny ways to say goodnight.

Questions about funny ways to say hello

What is a funny way to say hello?

Something short and a little unexpected, like "Greetings, fellow person who is also here" or "Hello, and welcome to this conversation." It works best with people who already know you, and it should leave them room to say hello back.

What is a funny way to say hello in a text?

Treat the text like an announcement: "Incoming message. This is it." or "Hello. I am typing this with one thumb, so be impressed." One line is plenty, then get to the point of the message.

Is it fine to say a funny hello at work?

Yes, with people you already work with and in a relaxed setting. For a first meeting, an email to someone new, or anything formal, a plain "Hello" or "Hi, good to meet you" is the safe choice.

What is the best simple way to say hello?

A plain "Hi" or "Hello" with the person's name and a smile. It never goes wrong, and it is what everyone actually wants most of the time.

The Department of Doubt is satire, but these greetings are real suggestions you are free to use. See the satire notice.