Funny ways to say happy retirement

Retirement is the one plan the Department of Doubt is happy to approve. Here are 15 funny ways to say happy retirement, for a card, from the team, a few mock-official ones, and simple kind wishes that always work.

For a card

• "Happy retirement. Every day is now a Saturday." Simple, and true.
• "Congratulations. Your new boss is the sofa, and it is very relaxed." A new job, with better hours.
• "Happy retirement. Your alarm clock has been officially dismissed." Good news for everyone but the alarm clock.
• "You have worked hard for this. Now work hard at doing nothing." A new career, with no meetings.

From the team

• "Happy retirement. The printer says goodbye, and for once it is working." About the office, not the person.
• "The team will miss you. The meetings will not miss you, but we will." Warm, with a small joke.
• "Happy retirement. Please leave your out of office on, forever." The longest holiday reply ever.
• "We would throw you a surprise party, but you are already free to leave early." Good timing all round.

Mock official

• "The Department of Doubt has reviewed your retirement and, for once, says yes." The rare approval.
• "Notice: this person is now off duty, permanently. Please direct all questions elsewhere." Sounds like a sign on a door.
• "Your request for unlimited free time has been received and approved." Filed, stamped, done.

Simple and kind

• "Congratulations, and enjoy every minute." Always works.
• "Happy retirement. Thank you for everything you taught us." Warm and personal.
• "Wishing you a long, happy and very slow-paced next chapter." Kind, with a smile.
• "Happy retirement. This place will not be the same without you." Honest and kind.

Keep it kind

1. Joke about the job, not the person. The printer can take it.
2. Skip the age jokes. Retirement is about what comes next.
3. Add one real thank you. Name something they did. That is the line they will keep.

More from the Department

For the last day itself, see the funny ways to say goodbye. If you are giving the leaving speech, read the worst ways to start a speech first, and for the auto-reply, there are funny out of office messages. All guides are on the guides page, and today's ruling is on the home page.

See also: funny ways to say congratulations.

Questions about funny ways to say happy retirement

What is a funny way to say happy retirement?

Something that celebrates the free time ahead, like "Happy retirement. Your new boss is the sofa, and it is very relaxed." Keep it warm and about the future, not about age.

What do you write in a funny retirement card?

One light line and one kind one: "Congratulations on your retirement. Every day is now a Saturday. Thank you for everything you did here." The joke makes them smile; the thank you is what they keep.

What is a funny retirement wish for a coworker?

Something about the office they are leaving behind: "Happy retirement. The printer says goodbye, and for once it is working." Jokes about the job are safer than jokes about the person.

What is a simple way to say happy retirement?

A plain "Congratulations, and enjoy every minute" always works. Add a thank you for something specific they did, and it becomes a card they keep.

The Department of Doubt is satire, but these retirement wishes are real suggestions you are free to use. See the satire notice.