Terrible wedding ideas

If anyone has an objection, speak now. The Department of Doubt has reviewed 18 wedding plans, all invented here, and objects to every one: I DON'T THINK SO. Tap any idea to stamp it, then show it to whoever is planning.

The venue

1. An outdoor wedding with no rain plan, in autumn. Autumn always brings rain and never asks first.
2. A ceremony at the top of a hill with no path. Guests in good shoes will not arrive in good shoes.
3. A beach wedding at high tide. The aisle is now underwater and so are the chairs.
4. A venue with 40 chairs for 120 guests. Eighty guests will be standing for an hour. They will remember.

Food and drink

1. A buffet that opens after nine speeches. By speech six, the guests are eating the table flowers.
2. A cake made entirely of cheese, for a guest list that hates cheese. Lovely if they like cheese. A long day if they don't.
3. A five-course dinner with one fork per table. Five courses and a lot of patient waiting for the fork.
4. A "bring your own dinner" reception. A great way to see who really likes you.

Guests and invitations

1. A dress code of "formal beachwear, but warm". Every guest will arrive in a different kind of confused.
2. Invitations sent the week before, by text. Nobody can book a flight or a babysitter in six days.
3. A seating plan that needs a map and a key. Guests need to find their seat, not solve a puzzle.
4. A theme that every guest must learn a dance for. Some guests have two left feet, and they all know it.
5. An RSVP form with 30 questions. Nobody fills in question 30. Some stop at question 4.

The big day

1. Speeches with no time limit. Dinner gets cold. So do the guests' feelings.
2. A first dance with a 12-minute song. Nobody slow-dances for twelve minutes without a break.
3. A ceremony timed to the sunset, without checking when sunset is. The light is gone and the photographer is not happy.
4. Releasing balloons indoors. The ceiling now has the balloons. The guests have the string.
5. A photographer who only takes photos of the cake. The cake looks great. Nobody knows who got married.

What keeps a wedding day running

1. Comfortable guests. Food on time, seats, shade and water.
2. A rain plan. Even in summer.
3. A clear timetable. Guests like to know when dinner is.
4. Short speeches. Five minutes is a gift.

Related

More things the Department rejected: worst party themes, terrible gift ideas and funny bad ideas. Can't make it? See how to decline an invitation. All guides are on the guides page.

Questions about terrible wedding ideas

What are terrible wedding ideas?

Plans that make the day harder for everyone: a dress code nobody can follow, a ceremony on a mountain with no path, a buffet that opens after the speeches, or a seating plan that needs a spreadsheet to read.

How do you keep wedding plans from going wrong?

Keep the guests comfortable (food, shade, seats, a clear timetable), have a rain plan, and keep speeches short. Anything that needs a long explanation on the invitation is worth a second look.

Are these real weddings?

No. Every wedding idea on this page is invented by the Department of Doubt for fun. No real people or events are shown or named.

Part of Bad ideas, officially reviewed.

The Department of Doubt is satire. Every wedding idea on this page is invented; no real people or events are shown or named. See the satire notice.