Worst things to say in an interview

An interview is one short conversation that decides a lot. These lines make it shorter. Here are 15 of the worst things to say in an interview, all invented here, every one reviewed and stamped I DON'T THINK SO. Tap any line to stamp it yourself. What to say instead is further down.

Did not prepare

1. So, what does this company do, exactly? The website was one click away. The Department checked.
2. Sorry, which job was this for again? There was only one job. It was in the email.
3. I do not have any questions. Or a pen. Two things to bring next time.
4. Can we do this quickly? I have another interview at three. Honest. Not helpful.
5. I did not read the job description, but I am sure I can do it. Confidence without a source.

Too much information

1. My biggest weakness is that I have no weaknesses. This is the weakness.
2. Let me tell you my whole life story, starting with nursery. The interview is thirty minutes long.
3. I am a perfectionist, a workaholic and a very fast typer. Two clichés and a typing speed.
4. Where do I see myself in five years? In your chair. Bold. The chair is taken.
5. I have prepared a slideshow about my favourite sandwiches. The Department admires the effort. Wrong slideshow.

Bold, confident and wrong

1. I would describe myself in three words: very, very good. That is two words, one of them twice.
2. I work best alone, in silence, with no meetings, ever. The job description said "team".
3. Before we start, I have a few questions for you. Forty, actually. The interviewer has a calendar too.
4. I have already told my friends I got the job. The Department has not stamped it yet.
5. Is there a nap room? Asking for a friend. The friend is me. A good question for week three, not minute one.

What to say instead

The Department does approve some interview habits. None of them involve sandwiches.

• Read the job description twice. Then pick two things in it you have actually done.
• Bring one real example per answer. What you did, how, and what happened next.
• Be kind about past jobs. Even the hard ones. Interviewers notice.
• Ask one question about the work itself. "What does a good first month look like?" works almost everywhere.
• Say thank you at the end. Short, sincere, and remembered.

More officially reviewed bad ideas

If you have changed your mind about the job, see how to decline a job interview. For the small talk before it starts, avoid the worst ways to start a conversation, and if the interview includes a presentation, read the worst ways to start a speech first. All guides are on the guides page, and today's ruling is on the home page.

See also: funny ways to say good luck.

Questions about what not to say in an interview

What is the worst thing to say in an interview?

Anything that shows you did not prepare or do not really want the job, like "So, what does this company do?" or "My biggest weakness is that I have no weaknesses." The funny bad lines are harmless jokes; the truly bad ones are rude about a past employer or untrue.

What should you say in an interview instead?

Short, honest answers with one real example each: what you did, how you did it and what came of it. Ask one or two questions about the job itself at the end. Interviewers remember examples, not adjectives.

How do you answer "what is your biggest weakness"?

Name a real, small weakness and what you are doing about it, for example "I used to say yes to every task, so now I check my week before I agree to more." Honest and practical beats clever.

Are these real interview answers?

No. Every bad line on this page is invented and rejected by the Department of Doubt as a joke. The tips further down are real, and you are free to use them.

Part of Bad ideas, officially reviewed.

The Department of Doubt is satire. The bad lines on this page are invented and meant as a joke; the tips are real suggestions you are free to use. See the satire notice.