Bad ideas for the weekend
It is Friday. You have big plans. The Department of Doubt has seen those plans before. Here are 15 bad ideas for the weekend, all harmless, every one reviewed and stamped I DON'T THINK SO. Tap any idea to stamp it yourself.
Too ambitious
- Reorganise every drawer in the house by colour. Most drawers contain only beige things and old batteries.
- Finally finish every half-read book on the shelf. There are eleven. It is Saturday. Pick one.
- Learn a whole new language by Sunday evening. You will learn how to say "hello" and "where is the bread".
- Answer every message I have been avoiding. Noble. You will answer one and feel very tired.
- Become a morning person, starting Saturday. Saturday mornings were not designed for this.
Bad at relaxing
- Plan a relaxing weekend with a very detailed timetable. Relaxing from 10:15 to 10:45 is not relaxing.
- Have a lie-in, but set four alarms to make sure I enjoy it. The alarms will win.
- Watch one episode, then go out. It was never one episode. It was the whole season.
- Tidy up quickly before having fun. The tidying will become the weekend.
- Do nothing at all, perfectly. You will spend the whole time thinking about doing nothing.
Bold, confident and wrong
- Build a shelf without reading the instructions. The shelf will lean. So will your confidence.
- Try a new recipe for twelve people, for the first time. Try it on yourself first. Twelve people deserve a rehearsal.
- Paint the whole hall in one afternoon. One wall, maybe. The ceiling has opinions.
- Wash the car just before it rains. It will rain. It always knows.
- Teach the cat a new trick. The cat already has one trick: ignoring you.
What actually makes a good weekend
- One plan, not ten. A walk, a meal, a film. Leave space around it.
- One small job, if you must. Finished jobs feel good. Started jobs follow you to Monday.
- Say no to something. A weekend is easier with one less thing in it. The polite ways to say no can help.
More officially reviewed bad ideas
For bigger plans, see bad vacation ideas and bad bucket list ideas. For smaller ones, terrible life hacks and funny reasons not to do something. All guides are on the guides page, and today's ruling is on the home page.
Questions about bad weekend ideas
What is a bad idea for the weekend?
A plan that sounds great on Friday and looks silly by Saturday lunchtime, like "reorganise every drawer in the house by colour". The funny ones are harmless; they just waste a perfectly good weekend.
Are these meant to be done?
No. They are jokes, reviewed and rejected by the Department of Doubt. If one of them sounds fun to you, the Department will not stop you, but it will doubt you.
What is a good idea for a lazy weekend?
One small plan and a lot of room around it: a walk, a meal you like, an early night. A weekend with one thing in it feels longer than a weekend with ten.
Why does the Department of Doubt reject weekend plans?
Because it reviews one claim a day, and "this weekend I will finally sort everything out" is one of the most common claims there is.
Part of Bad ideas, officially reviewed.
The Department of Doubt is satire. Every idea on this page is invented and meant as a joke. See the satire notice.