Terrible life hacks

The internet is full of clever shortcuts. These are not them. The Department of Doubt has reviewed 19 life hacks, all invented here and all deliberately harmless, and stamped every one I DON'T THINK SO. Tap any hack to stamp it yourself.

Time-saving hacks that take longer

1. Save time in the morning by laying out tomorrow's clothes, then changing your mind.
2. Hide the TV remote so you watch less TV. Spend an hour looking for it.
3. Make one trip with all the shopping bags, then a second trip for the dropped eggs.
4. Set seven alarms, five minutes apart, so you are awake for all of them.
5. Organise your inbox by moving every email into a folder called "Later".

Money-saving hacks that cost more

1. Buy in bulk: 40 tins of something you tried once.
2. Save on coffee by buying a coffee machine you use twice.
3. Spend extra to reach free delivery.
4. Buy the cheap umbrella, every week.

Home hacks

1. Never lose your keys again: put them somewhere safe, then forget where.
2. Keep the house tidy by never letting anyone in.
3. Label every drawer so the mess is officially sorted.
4. Stop the dishes piling up by eating everything off one plate.
5. Water the plants on a schedule you keep in your head.

Productivity hacks

1. Write a to-do list of all the to-do lists you need to write.
2. Start the day with the hardest task: choosing which task is hardest.
3. Colour-code the calendar so the overbooking looks nicer.
4. Block out an hour for focus, then spend it planning the next focus hour.
5. Keep a notebook for great ideas and lose the notebook.

How the Department reviews a life hack

1. Does it save time once you count the cleanup? Usually not.
2. Does it only work in a 15-second video? Doubt.
3. Does it involve heat, electricity or mixing cleaning products? Hard no, and not funny.
4. Would your grandmother have done it the boring way? She was right.

Related

More things the Department rejected: funny bad ideas, terrible product ideas, terrible app ideas, funny bad advice and bad vacation ideas. Got a hack that deserves a ruling? Use Stamp Anything. Thinking of something permanent? See terrible tattoo ideas. For the house itself, see funny house rules. All guides are on the guides page.

Questions about terrible life hacks

What is a terrible life hack?

A "hack" that takes longer, costs more or creates a new problem: hiding the TV remote so you watch less TV, then spending an hour looking for it. They are funny because the logic almost works.

Are these life hacks real?

They are invented by the Department of Doubt as jokes, and they are deliberately harmless. Please do not try any of them, mostly because they will waste your afternoon.

How do I spot a bad life hack online?

Be wary of anything that promises a big shortcut with no downside, uses heat, electricity or cleaning products in an unusual way, or only works in a very short video. When it seems too clever, the Department stamps it.

Part of Bad ideas, officially reviewed.

The Department of Doubt is satire. Every hack on this page is invented and meant as a joke, not advice. See the satire notice.