Terrible product ideas

Somewhere, right now, someone is pitching a toaster with an app. The Department of Doubt has reviewed 22 product ideas like it, all invented here, none of them real, and every one stamped I DON'T THINK SO. Tap any product to stamp it yourself.

Smart things that did not need to be smart

1. A smart spoon that tells you when you have eaten enough soup.
2. A Wi-Fi toaster that needs an update before breakfast.
3. A fridge that posts what you eat to your friends.
4. Shoelaces with an app, for tying reminders.
5. An umbrella that sends a notification when it is raining on you.
6. A doorbell that asks visitors three security questions.

Subscriptions nobody asked for

1. A monthly sock subscription that sends one sock.
2. Ice, delivered weekly, as a premium plan.
3. A pay-per-use subscription for your own front door.
4. A sleep subscription: pay monthly to unlock weekends.
5. Air, bottled, from a slightly different room.

Solutions in search of a problem

1. A toothbrush with a 30-minute timer.
2. Self-heating ice cream.
3. A pen that only writes in the first person.
4. A stapler that requires two-factor authentication.
5. A chair with an emotional support cushion that sighs.
6. Glasses with windscreen wipers.

Bold food ideas

1. Toothpaste-flavoured orange juice, to save time.
2. Pizza in a tube, served in slices.
3. Cereal that goes soggy on purpose.
4. A sandwich subscription that only sends the bread.
5. Coffee with no caffeine and no flavour, for focus.

How the Department reviews an invention

1. Does it need a battery now when it did not before? Doubt.
2. Does it need an account to open? Strong doubt.
3. Does it charge monthly for something you already own? Stamp.
4. Would anyone miss it tomorrow? If not, the ruling is final.

Pitch your own

Think you can invent something worse? Type it into Stamp Anything and make the rejection official. For more of the Department's rulings, see funny bad ideas, terrible gift ideas, terrible app ideas, bad business ideas and today's case on the home page. All guides are on the guides page.

Questions about terrible product ideas

What makes a product idea terrible?

It solves a problem nobody has, makes a simple thing harder, or adds an app, a subscription or a battery to something that worked fine without one. Bonus points if it needs a firmware update.

Are these real products?

No. Every product on this page is invented by the Department of Doubt for fun. Any resemblance to something you saw in an advert at 2 a.m. is a coincidence, probably.

How do I tell if my own idea is a bad one?

Ask who would use it every week and what they do today instead. If the honest answer is "nobody" and "something simpler that works", the Department would stamp it. If you would like it stamped anyway, type it into Stamp Anything.

Part of Bad ideas, officially reviewed.

The Department of Doubt is satire. Every product on this page is invented; no real products, brands or companies are named. See the satire notice.